"Uncomfortably Numb", but still looking for "good trouble"

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me Is there anyone at home? Come on now I hear you're feeling down

"Comfortably Numb" -Pink Floyd

Sitting here staring at my Twitter feed and I am staggered once again by images of yet another shooting of a black man on the streets of the United States by law enforcement. Then following that shooting, the murder of two more black men by a vigilante who wandered the streets of a city with and AR 15. I am numb, and yet I know that I this is not new and it has been going on for generations. We know the "big" names... Emmett Till, Medgar Evers, Rodney King, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Philando Castile, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd, but there are countless others that we have begun to forget merely because of the number of shootings/ murders that have taken place or that they occurred at a time when we didn't have Iphones that allowed us to document them.

I am uncomfortably numb because through no action of my own I have been granted a "pass" as a result of the white privilege I was given when I was born. This "pass" that I have not earned will insure that I will never have to experience being pulled over by law enforcement because my "license plate light is not working", nor will I have law enforcement called when I attempt to enter a building, nor will I ever be chosen for a "random screening" at the airport.

In my Twitter feed I watch former NBA player Robert Horry speak from the heart about having to give his African American sons the "talk" to ensure that they come home safely when they go out. I know as a result of my privilege I have never had to share these words with my sons and quite frankly I am uncomfortably numb that anyone should have share this kind of guidance to their sons. As a father it was hard not to watch his response without becoming emotional, yet I know I will never share these words with my own sons.

I am uncomfortably numb as I read about a 17 year old boy driving nearly an hour to Kenosha, Wisconsin with an AR 15 because in his words “people are getting injured and our job is to protect this business". By the end of the evening, this same boy will shoot three people and two of them will die. We would think that there would be universal agreement that this boy should be tried for murder. Instead, I read that an online account has been established and over 100K has been raised for his defense. Even more absurd is having to listen to his attorney claim that "Kyle is an innocent boy who justifiably exercised his fundamental right of self-defense. In doing so, he likely saved his own life and possibly the lives of others”.

I am uncomfortably numb because my country is led by a "man" who through his divisive and racist language empowers individuals and fringe groups to engage in these acts of violence and systematic racism. He is not even subtle when he tweets "when the looting starts, the shooting starts", and that "there were bad people on both sides" or simply retweeting his supporters screaming "white power" during a parade in Florida. Rather that truly stand for "law and order", he uses language that clearly changes the word "justice" to "just us". I am uncomfortably numb because I feel there is a real chance he could be re-elected in November.

I am uncomfortably numb as I watch a video of a white man being pulled over by a state patrolman in my home state of Washington. The man screams at the officer about the fact he is on "private property" and yet the officer treats him with a great deal of patience and restraint. It doesn't seem difficult to me to identify the "variable" that explains why this imposing and aggressive man is allowed to get back into his vehicle while screaming at law enforcement while Jacob Blake was shot 7 times in the back while he returned to his vehicle without saying a word.

My white privilege has not paralyzed me to the point that I have not taken action. I have supported the Black Lives Matter movement through my participation in marches and through financial contributions, I have made financial contributions to the voter suppression initiative More Than a Vote, I have written directly to my government officials, and I will let my voice be counted in the upcoming November elections. Yet, I these small actions seem insignificant in the face of what feels like an endless onslaught of systematic racism with no end in sight.

Despite the "numbness" I feel, I will not allow myself to feel powerless or silent. As staggered as I am by this constant stream of injustice in my home country, that was ironically founded on words that "all men are created equal", I will continue to educate myself and take action. I will continue follow the words of the late Congressman John Lewis and continue to "find trouble, good trouble". Despite everything, I remain hopeful that each and every year there will be fewer and fewer racist voices and there will be more actions and voices that actively promote the idea that one day our children "...live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Be safe... be healthy... be well... and don't be silent!.

====================================================================== “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced"

-James Baldwin